The damaged doctor and his returned angel
by SuperSky Happy Super Friday
Summary: John has been waiting for a little over a year for Sherlock and has only been surviving with the use of Sherlock's drugs he finds throughout 221b. but when Sherlock does return how will he react to johns new hobby and will he be able to convince john to quit. I do not own Sherlock or any of the characters. rated T for drug use. Hurt!Depressed!John
1. Chapter 1

I sat up quickly from my nightmare and push the hair from in front of my eyes. I just haven't found time to cut it since he left. their was just no reason to. I push myself out of bed and down the stairs. it has been one year two months sixteen days and forty seven minutes, since he left me, since he gave up. I now check the time compulsively to remind myself, I have given him two years, if he does not reappear by then I will have to assume that he really is gone and join him as soon as possible. But for now I get up brush my teeth and force a smile on my face to get Lestrade off my back and to keep from confiscating all the knives from the flat again. but as I look in the mirror I know I wont make it to the end of the two years I gave Sherlock I am barely alive now which I remind myself constantly, that I cant live I can be alive but I cant live not without Sherlock. I turn away from my reflection and decide instead on finding another of Sherlock's stash. it does not matter if it is heroin or cigarettes or whatever Sherlock has hidden it makes me forget Sherlock. makes me forget that terrible day, the blood stained sidewalk, the way the coat moved around Sherlock as he fell it was like an angels wings trying to slow his fall from grace, but not enough save him.

"aha" I exclaim as I pull\ out a small baggie full of pills, a lot more than I have ever found, hidden inside Sherlock's old friend the skull. I immediately prepped my arm and filled the needle with the clear liquid I created by crushing two of the pills, mixing the powder with water, and using my lighter to heat the mixture.

as I sit there in absolute euphoria not thinking about anything except how amazing the world was. this is why I did it for the feeling of calm that washes over me. I wasn't thinking of Sherlock or Harry or Mrs. Hudson, that is until I saw a dark figure enter my world of light it shattered my perfect image and I looked up to see Mycroft Holmes looking at me disdainfully

"You really don't know the mess you are getting yourself into here john."

and I didn't, Mycroft was right he knew the risks he was a doctor for heavens sake. but what people seem to keep forgetting was I just didn't care not without Sherlock. so I just shook his head when Mycroft offered a hand to the me. My world of light had been reduced to a couple of ashes in minutes


	2. Chapter 2 johns visitor

When I wake from my nightmare I realize that I am laying in the same spot where I had been walked in on by Mycroft the night before, and I immediately regret it. surely he will tell Sherlock, but then I remember no one will be telling Sherlock much of anything. I take a deep breath and try to stand up, but my leg has an entirely different Idea, so I just sit on the floor waiting for my angel to return. I long ago quit my job and was only allowed to stay in 221b because sweet little Mrs. Hudson didn't have the heart to kick me out, so instead of standing in front of pitying eyes every day I moped all by myself in this stupid flat waiting, waiting for my life to restart, waiting for the hero Sherlock had said didn't exist, waiting for his fallen angel, but that angel wasn't going to come. the realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the bag of pills that had slid under Sherlock's armchair during last nights events. I grabbed the bag and emptied all of the pills out into my palm. they were half way to my mouth before I saw the figure standing at the door.

**sorry about the short chapters I don't have a long enough attention span to write for a long time leave reviews saying who you think is standing outside johns dood and do you think they will be able to stop him? have a good night thank you so much for reading.**

**-Sky**


	3. Johns heaven is missing an angel

It was Harry standing there watching me with the eyes of a hawk. she looked so disappointed. I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault, that there was nothing she could have done, but I knew if I didn't do it now I never would so I downed them all and Harrys eyes grew wide.

"John the fuck have you done." she said barley above whisper. I looked at the shock in her eyes and wondered if they really thought I was getting better, maybe I should have tried harder for them. I shake the thought out of my mind its too late now my vision is slipping out of focus as I watch Harry run to me and pull out her mobile. she is saying something but I don't hear it instead I slip into my world of light. this time it remains non punctured by outside distractions.

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_I'm in heaven I think. I am floating. Its beautiful, but something is missing something important. I look around and realize what it is, Sherlock he's missing. I call out his name, but get no response. I call again and still no response. I begin to panic, this is not what was supposed to happen, I was supposed to meet Sherlock here, I died to see his face again. i suddenly feel weighed down like I am being held down, I thrash against this invisible force and do whatever I can to make it release me. I have to find Sherlock, I have to._

_I call Sherlock's name again maybe he will come save me, and this time I get a response a quiet "john" and I run as fast as I can towards that voice. because that is the voice of an angel._

My eyes shoot open and I see someone standing above me.

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**_Hey its me again thanks for reading all the way to chapter three. i know another cliff hangar but if you leave a review saying who you want to be standing over johns bed it will allow me to get the next chapter out sooner. its like a hostage situation, and if you don't like comment anyway you can still tell me who you want it to be._**

**_oh and one more thing shout out to my flavorite person ever Katie she has been so awesome about this story and keeps complementing me on it so she gets a personal shout out!_**

**_ok thanks to anyone who read this far I love all of you._**

**_-Sky_**


	4. chapter 4 john is scared

I look at him the cheekbones that look like they could cut skin the storm grey eyes that somehow are full ok worry. I don't want him to be worried I want him to be happy. I shake my head and blink a few times, but he still looks scared and sad. this isn't how it was supposed to be. I planned on him being a little disappointed but never this never so much sadness.

I tried to speak when I felt the giant tube in my throat that was pushing and pulling the air in my lungs against my will and I began to gag.

Sherlock's eyes grew wide as I fought against the unruly contraption. he was yelling not at me but at some one else, then someone else came in the room a woman a little younger than me with brown hair. she was talking too, but I couldn't hear over the sound on the blood rushing and my heart pounding. I attempted talking again but it just came out as gurgles. I began to thrash I had to out of here. a few IVs held me back but my biggest problem was the tube. I tugged at it but it stayed stubbornly locked in my wind pipe.

then the security came in and tried to usher me back into bed but I just fought back. by the time they realized I was not going back willingly I had already taken down one of the with a kick to the jaw and seeing them prepping the syringe was not helping me calm down. eventually one of them got my legs and the other my arms before pushing the needle into my arm and allowing me to surrender to the darkness.

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_I swam about in the dark it was cold, but I could hear his voice so I just kept swimming forward was my only thought until the image of his eyes popped into my head, and I stopped swimming thinking of the fear._

_was the fear because I was dead or was he afraid of seeing me again. I wondered vaguely aware that I was sinking drowning in my subconscious. afraid of what the answer to my question might be._

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**so chapter four im hoping you will forgive me for making you wait for so long but I told you you had to review same thing goes for now please review I would like to know if you like it if not tell me what you would like gooder grammar (joking please don't kill me) or bigger words or maybe character death(another joke I swear) just please review and thank you so much for reading.**

**another shout to Katie and if you are into the hunger games go read some of the teaandlanadelrays story's she is a good friend of mine and an awesome writer love you guys have a good day.**

**- Sky**


	5. question

**Sorry if you got excited over this chapter but I just cannot think of what to writ next I have a lot of ideas but they don't seem right. so I want to let you guys decide please post a review of which scenario you would like to happen.**

** wakes up and sherl,ock is gone. when he asks people about it they say Sherlock is dead you just miss himn blah blah blah and he falls back inbto depression(Sherlock does show up again later).**

**B. Sherlock is beside himself with worry, but when john wakes up he believes Sherlock is a figment of hi imagination and tghat he finally went off the deep end.**

**C. when john wakes up he believes he is dead and with Sherlock and Sherlock must keep him from being reckless**

**D. john and Sherlock are reunited without any setbacks**

**E. moran tries to kill john again**

**F. moran kidnaps john and Sherlock has to find him**

**G. none of the above**

**so please leave a review saying which one you would prefer and I will take all into account when writing the next chapter. the more reviews I get the sooner the next chapter will be up.**


	6. He came back for me

When john woke he was startled not only by the fact the tube was no longer lodged in his throat, but also by memories of Sherlock. the fear, shame and sadness in his eyes. he was expecting to see him. John had actually prepared what he was going to say. he was ready to face Sherlock. what he was not ready for though was waking to Harry's face being no more than two inches away from his.

"W where's Sherlock." he stammered. his throat was quite dry and his mouth tasted of vomit.

"oh sweetie he's been dead for almost two years, you know that." Harry said in a pitying voice while simultaneously moving back to settle in her chair

"No I saw him he was here. he was. "John balled his hands into fists twisting the thin hospital sheet in his hands. He hated that tone. he was not an object of pity, and he especially didn't need pity from Harry of all people.

"John you need to calm down, it was probably just a nightmare". she said.

"**NO**" john screamed."**T****HIS IS A NIGHT MARE HE WAS HERE I KNOW IT." **John was furious that Harry would insinuate that any dream with Sherlock Holmes in it could be even remotely considered a nightmare. even the ones of him falling at least he saw his face he could have that.

"John, its okay you are safe Sherlock isn't here. please come down. "Harry said fear creeping into her voice.

John felt like a cornered animal he knew what he had seen and was being treated like he was crazy.

**"HE CAME BACK".** He shouted "HE** CAME BACK FOR ME." **Tears were streaming down his face. Sherlock had come back for him and now he was gone again. No john thought he was not leaving him again. he jumped up from the hospital bed, which surprised Harry for long enough to give him a lead as he ran from his room towards the exit. it was a mad dash. he heard harry calling somewhere behind him the noise just made him run faster. his lungs were burning and his legs were on fire, but for the first time since IT happened he felt alive truly and really alive.

When he got to the door he took no time in throwing it open and rushing towards the warm breeze that floated inside. he hadn't taken more than a couple of steps outside when hands caught him from behind and a cloth was pushed under his face. what he saw before he blacked out scared him more than anything had ever scared him before

"Hello Johnny boy. thank you for coming out on your own you made my job a lot easier. its time to show Sherlock just how much his heart can burn." Moriarty said all this with a sick smile as they led the men holding john to a car.

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**_I am the worst I swear I will try my hardest to update more often but I am really lazy also your opinion is much appreciated I tried to take everyone's opinion into account about this chapter tell me what you think should happen next I will try to update soon but the more you review the more likely I will be to update sooner. another quick not I might make this story M for possible torture and\or rape nothing to explicit but I want to be safe im sorry if this upsets you a large amount please leave a review about it shout out to my home girl Katie. and if for some reason you have been following this or if you are planning on following it I am sorry for my writing it is not the best but I love all of you guys. happy new year and BTW if you read all the way to here you are awesome. please review. love ya._**

**_-Sky_**


	7. Authors note

**This is just a message asking your humble opinion of this story and if I should continue in the direction this story is taking or maybe you don't want me to continue at all how bad do you want johns mental trauma to be this is going to be around 19-20 chapters and if I do continue will most likely become M for severe torture and possible rape so heads up this story is going to get seriously dark. so leave a review stating if you want me to continue or not and if you do what would you want to happen im nsorry but I just really want to know if you even like it. happy new year.**

**-Sky**


	8. John lears who his MASTER is

When john woke up it was light. he is strapped in a chair in a large room with white walls and a dark wood floor. on the wall farthest from him were two windows that showed a forest with giant redwood trees as far as he could see on the wall too his left there was large French doors. it was a very nice room except for the fact that on the wall to his right are manacles bolted to the wall with along with a table that had some john didn't even know, a set of pliers maybe, and was that a whip. then HE walked in.

John went still, he stared at it, "Moriarty".

"Oh John we are awake finally, are you ready to begin."

John just sat there dumbfounded, he couldn't even speak he was too scared.

"Come on John talk to me, you know you want too." Moriarty sang.

John blinked, but said nothing.

**"TALK."**Moriarty yelled spit flew into johns face.

"No." John said plainly.

"To bad, I really was hoping you would be more Cooperative." Moriarty said as he walked over to the table and picked up a scalpel.

"Oh I almost forgot my manners, our guest can see you, but you haven't seen him yet have you?" he asked. **"TURN ON THE PROJECTOR."** Moriarty yelled to his unknown henchmen.

With that Moriarty turned johns chair around and what john saw displayed on the wall scared him, no terrified him. the man had sunken eyes, his curls were longer than john remembered and his cheekbones were more prominent than before, but it was Sherlock alive. and he looked scared and lost. Sherlock never looked scared or lost which is exactly what terrified john.

Unnoticed by john Moriarty began to get uncomfortably close to him with the scalpel. Sherlock's eyes widened "John" he called out, but john was to busy being mesmerized by Sherlock's features. that is until he felt the prick of a blade against his skin. he felt it get deeper and deeper then it began to carve sweeping lines that would most definitely scar. it took all he had to repress the scream building in his throat.

"What do you think Sherlock? now everyone will know!" Moriarty said laughing as he looked at his own handiwork. "You know I hate getting my hands dirty, but for you I made a special exception."

John looked down carved directly over where his heart would be was the sentence '_SHERLOCKS PET.'_

John swallowed hard and looked back up at Sherlock. what he saw scared and astounded him at the same time, Sherlock was crying.

"John I will find you I will get you out of there, I promise." Sherlock said.

"Sherlock I-" john began, but Moriarty interrupted.

"**NO, **no none of that."

Then john felt lips crash onto him as he is straddled and a needle is inserted into his neck.

"John you are mine. **MINE** understand of course you don't but you will soon." With that Moriarty smacked his lips back into johns and began to undo his trousers.

"I will show you who your **MASTER IS, AND THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND."**

John felt the restraints be yanked from him. originally he had planned on attacking Moriarty, but he couldn't move his arms or legs or anything for that matter.

Moriarty dragged him over to a cot he hadn't noticed until now and laid him face down on it. He then watched Moriarty remove his trousers showing his erection. he then walked over to john and first removed his trousers, then his pants.

by the time john realized what was happening it was too late.

"SHHHH don't fight Johnny it will only make it worse." Moriarty said as he drove into john, it burned and john let out a strangled cry. "Do you understand now Johnny."

John felt the hot tears push down his face and let out a cry as Moriarty pushed into him again and again until he came.

"OH that was good john. same time tomorrow." he chuckled as he gathered his clothes and exited through the French doors at some point someone had turned off the projector leaving john to cry alone, wondering how he had gotten himself in this mess.

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_**Hey guys, so to make it up to you I tried to update sooner thanks to everyone for all of their support with this story special thanks to rainy days and day dreams the have been so awesome about the story and have given so much support. please leave a review if you like the story or if you don't like it the reviews really make my day. I have also started another story called Can he save John from himself. It's an AU teen lock about john Watson a 14-year-old with an abusive alcoholic for a father when he is not being beaten at home or bullied at school he is sitting in the large redwood behind his house self harming and thinking, until one day his tree isn't empty in his spot is a dark curly-haired boy will the boy save john from his father more importantly can he save john form himself. please check it out. I love all you guys hope you have a great night please review and just thank you for reading.**_

_**-Sky**_


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